halfway gone

Once again, I've returned to blogging and hopefully I will actually finish & post this one. :) high hopes I know! I get frustrated with myself when I don't blog... not because all of my "readers" don't have any new material but because i love looking back and seeing what i've been doing/learning/processing during a certain season. I mean holy cow the month of October is halfway gone (..and i'm on my way and i'm feelin feelin feelin this way cause you're halfway here so don't take too long cause i'm halfway gone halfway goneee.) and soon 2010 will be a memory. How is time moving this fast?? sigh.



So I'm going to list some things I want to blog about...

-life in general
-Isaiah
-nannying/B
-Summer
-movies/music/book/reviews
-To do lists (ironic?)
-Rhythm
-Family
-Regular daily stuff

...and so, we shall see.



anyways, for now I would like to introduce "B" as I will affectionately refer to him here in cyberspace. :] He's pretty much my best bud & a really great listener since I've been spending approximately 25 hours a week in his company. and he actually likes when i sing!

truth

"Things that are true reveal beauty, and things that are beautiful reveal truth."

cause it goes on and on and on

i throw my hands up in the air sometimes...
except not really. but, the song is catchy. :]

hmm. how can it already be the middle of august? i mean, really?
so what have i been up to lately...

painted my room. [which took forever.. props to my parentals for being awesome and helping out] i'll post pics as soon as i get it all put back together. i'm painting my furniture tomorrow though. i've been sore this weekend - painting can be tough. and i've slept on the couch & the floor b/c i didn't have blinds, & it smelled really strong, & i covered the futon with stuff from my room. fail.

allison went back to georgia today. i loveddd her being around this summer. and i miss her already.

we had an 85th birthday party for my grandma at the beginning of the month. basically fun family times were had. and then aunt donna stayed for a few weeks so it was cool to do stuff with her.

and i've been to Christiansburg & Lynchburg with some pretty neat-o people.

i didn't get a job that i really really wanted so now i'm trying to re-motivate myself...
but, i have been at TCP a bunch these last few weeks so everythings working out i guess.

my dreams have been pretty much insane lately & although they drive me crazy and baffle me and consume my thoughts in the mornings i've kind of enjoyed them.

i taught the middle schoolers again this morning. sigh - i miss being that age.

i've been eating out a LOT lately & its gotta stop. my body & my wallet are starting to hate me. :(

& i'm sure there are other items of importance but, the sun has gone to bed & so must i.

ps: i now own 2 silly bandz. therefore, i am cool.

a true fan... counts.

a true fan sits through 4 softball games in a row. props to summerdean for coming in 2nd this season!! :]

i've got a big long to-do list for tomorrow [basically everything i've dropped the ball on lately. & no not the softball although i do have softball on the brain.]

i cannot believe it's been 4 years since i went to colorado. oh so much has changed. *sigh* i'm wondering if its too late to facebook my pictures from that trip.

anyways - camping on sunday we went to the "chapel" service at the campground (sponsored by the ruritan club - different local church rotate leading it.. pretty cool i must say.) and i'll admit i was just not in the best mood on sunday. it was one of those wake up on the wrong side of the bed days.. except i woke up on the right side of the camper with a very sore back & some awful morning breath? haha moving on. so i really tossed around the idea of not going to the service. (side note: that night i went to Genesis & allison & i talked about how when you don't feel like going somewhere or listening to something it's probably when you most need to be there and really need to hear it...) but, i was totally blessed by the pastor who spoke [he also lead it last july when we were there] whose been battling cancer & only been given a certain number of years to live. his perspective was amazing & just glorifying. and by this hymn - which we struggled to sing a few verses of accapella. (sp?) it was stuck in my little head for days until i looked it up. basically - its one of those i've always heard and never really listened to, gave much thought to, all these years.

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,

Count you many blessings - name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

[Count your blessings, name them one by one;

Count your blessings, see what God hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one;

Count your many blessings see what God hath done.]

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings - every doubt will fly,

And you will be singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;

Count your many blessings - money cannot buy,

Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged, God is over all.

Count your many blessings - angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

[John Oatman Jr.]

and so i want this to be a challenge to myself to take the time, stop focusing on everything negative/uncertain, and count my blessings. daily. :)

ramblings.

I've decided that I never want to live alone.. like long-term. My diet this week has consisted of mac n cheese & bagel bites. and blue koolaid. :] bruce & susan took me to FA's tonight & i ate a salad so that's been my only redeeming factor. And my cat sure has kept me company... so now, i understand how cat ladies become cat ladies. They just make it less lonely! And really I'm not sure what makes my basement so creepy but, it just is. I went bowling tonight for the first time in years -- i think i bowled a 75 the first game & 102 the second. haha. i was proud ok. and it was kind of ironic that i bowled with 5 people who are currently attending LU and i didn't hang out with any of them when i was at liberty or in lynchburg. :) at one point allison, joel, amy, evan & i were standing togetherish and it almost felt like the ol days. almost. haha true friends are the ones who will make sure you make it home okay [even when you don't drink...] i went to what could have been our last softball game tonight - but, we won (sad it was against albo though!) so now we play tuesday as many games as it takes until we lose. and on that note i'm done.

hmm

"Unfortunately, most people believe their doubts and doubt their beliefs... you should be believing your beliefs and doubting your doubts."

easier said than done my friends.

Always There

...When I'm walking in the light and faith comes easy
When I'm drowning in the doubt and not believing
Every step I take, with me all the way
You are always there
There are days I want to turn back
Sometimes it's so tough to trust that you've a plan for me
It's hard for me to see
But there's one thing of which I'm sure
No height, nor depth, nor fear of failure
Can pull me from your grace... I won't ever be alone.

so on a whim yesterday i grabbed a Chris & Conrad cd at lifeway [thanks to my church for the generous gift card!] i was planning on getting "I Will Carry You" or "So long insecurity" or something like that. I did see a book called "Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred" lol i couldn't bring myself to buy it though. But, for some reason i was just pulled to the cd. I mean I've heard a few songs by these guys on the radio & although i like them the songs were not like my favorite or anything. but, lemme tell you i already love love love this cd. the lyrics are just what i need right now to be encouraged & uplifted. I mean it definitely reminds me of my old boy band loving days with their harmonies & stuff... but i don't mind that so much. :)

anyways - soon i will recount some of my recent adventures in TN & NC!

my heart is happy

you know what? God does answer prayer..... I am going to the beach tomorrow.

you may think this is silly, but to me it is definitely not. a month ago right after Ray and I broke up I poured my heart out to the Lord. let's just say He knew how much I would have loved to and longed to go to the beach this summer.

and i found out friday that tomorrow i am going to the Outer Banks. [and no i didn't even invite myself along with someone like i had first joked that i would!]

:) :) :)

I am SO blessed and cannot wait to relax, enjoy, and worship during these next few days.




in other news... i had a very exciting, random, fun/family filled weekend which i will definitely blog about if there is indeed internet at this beautiful OCEANFRONT house i will be at!!!

thoughts worth stating

i'm going to tennessee tomorrow. we're going to sarah's parents tomorrow and then on to nashville friday. i can't believe josh is getting married!!! sheesh. i'm in the midst of packing and i can't make decisions for the life of me.

today i almost made myself a lunch like an hour before i was supposed to go out to lunch because i forgot that i was going out to lunch. thankfully i remembered...

there's just something about writing a good long letter to a friend that's therapeutic.

i'm extremely not-tan but... that's okay. i guess. maybe i won't get skin cancer?

i guess it's kind of pointless to go on a walk/jog and then eat ben & jerry's.

ohh excitement occurred during my walk. i witnessed a lady being locked outside of her running car in her driveway because her little yorkie dog hit the lock button with his paw. she freaked out a little bit. but, thankfully the sun-roof was open and the windows were cracked. however, she had recently had surgery or something so she asked me to climb onto her car and reach inside next to the yippy dog and hit the unlock button. i didn't particularly want to climb onto her car and thankfully i successfully squeezed my hand through the front window enough to reach the back door unlock button. :) i felt like a good neighbor... and the dog only licked my hand like 10 times!

i got a pedicure today and it was delightful. no i do not get them often but i have had quite a few this past year for various reasons and i do enjoy them...

there were a group of ymca daycamper's in the center in the square building today. i had flashbacks to last summer and then got kind of nostalgic.

i finally got to hang out with allison for a few days. we had fun. :]

and isn't eva such a super cute/sweet kiddo? she brightens my softball games. and i'm glad we have red cheeks & curly hair in common. :)

friday nights

Today has actually been just what i needed. last night too for that matter. Funny how a month ago I really thought I would dread Friday nights... but, nope, they've actually been quite refreshing. :) I'm blessed by the girl friends who are willing to hang out with me & just lend a listening ear. I've definitely taken them for granted/never appreciated them quite so much. [except I should maybe not have coffee or chocolate late at night because I am super caffeine sensetive...resulting in this] and now i just want to go to Ireland. or prince of persia made me want to go to the outer banks... specifically to jockeys ridge. hmm. I think its time for bed. :)

Worth remembering

Although I love reading there have only been a few books that have really made an impact on me for some reason or another. Since it's late and I literally just finished one of these I'll wait to go into detail/response mode haha.

Why I Jumped - Tina Zahn
Unprotected - My version is by an anonymous author but, I think it's now being published by Miriam Grossman...
A Child Called IT - Dave Pelzer
The Atonement Child- Francine Rivers
The Unlikely Disciple - Kevin Roose
Crazy Love - Francis Chan
Choosing God's Best - Don Raunikar
Why I Stayed - Gayle Haggard

I'm sure there are more that deserve to be on this "list" but, for now those are the ones I'm quickly recalling and i know (for me) are worth remembering.

sugar cookies and boundaries

Today feels like it has been the longest day in the world. Which now that I think about it it's kind of ironic that I pulled up a new post not sure what to write about and that was the first statement that popped into me head... because one of my co-workers told me today that this is supposed to be the longest week of the year. Basically, I'm trying to say that yes, yes it is and yes, yes it feels like it.

Honestly, it's been easy to be negative lately. To see every possible glass as half empty. I'm not going to write about this right now... or dwell on it. But, i'm just bringing it up as a personal reminder: it doesn't help anything.

I've been reading quite a few blogs lately and I almost feel bad that I don't have deep revelations to share. But, to re-enforce my last post i am anticipating them. ;)

I was blessed to have the opportunity to "sub" and teach the jr. high class on sunday morning. When asked Thursday night I readily agreed because, well for one reason lots of people were nearby and i couldn't think of one exscuse or reason not to. (Is it horrible I was a little self-focused that night?) Out of all the age groups in my church I feel like this generation of jr.highs is the one that I am least closest to. I mean I've known these kids their entire lives... and, I don't spend much or any time around them so I have a hard time thinking of them as teenagers. (or close to it!) I've babysat their younger siblings and hung out with the high schoolers but... this group of kids not so much. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well or not. Basically: I was excited to teach/serve/get to know them... yet, I was hesitant and really have not been feeling like I'm in a position to teach. I did spend time in prayer, look over the lesson, and even bake some pretty good sugar cookies! I was dealing with allergies/congestion/sinusinfectionwhatnot over the weekend and that sure didn't help my perspective. Sunday morning I was just feeling like I had no energy and began thinking of exscuses/reasons to not give it my best. (or my anything & just asking them to combine with the high schoolers haha) but, with some encouragement and perspective i changed my attitude. And, in the end everything went fine. [I even gave them a good laugh by tripping over a chair..] I mean I can't speak for what they got out of it but, I sure got more than I ever expected. :)

On the flip side, I have been practicing boundaries and gracefully said no to 2 different situations over the weekend. (maybe not the wisest move financially as far as not taking an extra shift at work...? oh well.) but, I was able to realize that physically and emotionally I just couldn't stretch myself anymore and I needed some time to do some other things and REST and you know what? that's okay :)

Alright it's time to end this super long day and this blog that is nothing like i originally intended it to be about. lol. until next time!

i'm back!

i'm sure no one is really surprised at this point that it's been 5 months since i last posted. i'm definitely not.

a lot has changed since january and i feel like i'm not going to have much excitement to blog about this summer. but, i'll try anyway.

someone asked me on facebook chat the other night how life was. i took a few minutes to really ponder the question before giving an answer. all i could say was that it is not how i thought it would be. i'm not going to get lost in a world of "what ifs" but, i will say that i am not where i thought i would be at this point/age. and that's okay. do my plans for my life ever work out the way i want them too? nope. and that's a good thing.

so although i won't have much exciting to write about i do feel as if i'm going to learn some valueable lessons & have some great experiences that i'll want to digest & record through writing in the next few months.... we'll just have to see. :)

i'm just sayin

I really thought January would be slow & uneventful. I had pictures of myself sipping hot chocolate and working a logic puzzle. Cleaning my room and going shopping just for the heck of it. Calling my dearest friends just to chat. Watching the list of movies that I've developed. Have I had time to do any of that? Not so much. I feel like I'm at a transition period of my life, which I am, yet I havn't even had time to write a decent blog, update my resume, or sleep in. I mean I don't think that I've been asking for laziness, but just a break. please? So... what have I been doing? Yes, I realize this is probably similar to my last post, but it is just my way of processing my life as I havn't taken any time to do so beyond this.

I went to Rhythm [it was great to go back, but it definitely seemed different, but, i think i was just in a weird mood haha]
I took Meritha out to dinner for her birthday [mmm best cake ever]
I've worked, a lot, inventory & floorset [and the fact that like everyone's gotten sick? And we got our regular music back today, no more bowling with Bert...]
I've gone to Bible Study twice [Beth Moore's studies are intense, just sayin]
I've gone out to dinner for my brother's birthday [mmm best pizza ever]
I've gone to the dentist [2 cavities? really?]
I'm almost through New Moon [Although I enjoy the book, I'm having a hard time burning through it because I've seen the movie and I know what's going to happen]
I watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop with my parents [and i really actually adore that movie. "peanut blart and jelly"]
I've watched Hoarders & The Biggest Loser [TV is a waste of life?! hahaha]

Other thoughts:
I'm sick of feeling like I'm going to have a nose bleed. just sayin, it's getting old.
Also, I'm sick of being static-y.
I've learned a lot this week, especially through Bible study.
Tomorrow should be a good day.
There really are jelly-bellies that taste like coldstone ice-cream. i mean i'm just sayin it's pretty cool.
I am not a fan of situations where I don't really know what's going on and whether or not I really should get super involved.
I love super mario bros on the wii. except for when i die, like 5x in a row.
I have re-vamped my financial records & budget for 2010, yay me!
I'm sick of my fingers being so chapped that they burn when I wash my hands or put on lotion.
And I'm just sayin my gel-insoles are really helping my feet be happy at work.
:)

the post that didn't post :)

I actually wrote this on 1/4, but, apparently it never posted because my internet's retarded. so here it is now (1/10) !! hahaha


Alright so the last few weeks have been a complete blur.

Did I even take exams? or go to Christmas parties? or go Christmas shopping? or tell my roommates goodbye for a month? Honestly it feels like that was months ago! And yet... I don't feel like I've been home any time at all. Right now my laptop is getting a pretty strong wireless signal - and hopefully my parents will purchase a computer soon that moves faster than a dinosaur - and I'll have more time to blog & such. :]

I did just enjoy looking at my previously posted top 10 list. Thankfully, I've done a lot of those things. I've been to Panera with the girls, Starbucks with the mom, I'm currently reading Twilight, I've played many card games, etc. and I have a gift certificate to get a pedicure soon! I definitely enjoyed spending time with my extended family the week of Christmas. They're crazy and I've really started to appreciate them more! And, The Children's Place has been recieving a large amount of my time... which isn't a bad thing at all, just tiring. :) I brought in the new year spending a little bit of time with Eva & the Stultz's and then playing mario bros on the wii with ray & his cousins, and we didn't even realize it was past midnight. :)