Tuesday, December 8, 2009

one week!!!



Fall of my freshman year.... how long ago that seems. and how much have i changed?

one week from right now... next Tuesday night... i have no idea what thoughts and emotions will be running through my head. really this week seemed so far away and now, BAM here it is! tomorrow i have my last undergrad classes. ever. i have to go to the facs office and do my senior exit interview, and then it's the last NBT youth group. Thursday i have a meeting and i need to finish and submit my last research paper. Friday I have to take my nutrition exam online, take my philosophy final, and take my facs475 final. Then, i'm going to do something fun & relaxing & celebrating & probably go to coffeehouse. Saturday i'm going to do whatever i feel like (haha) and spend time with my roomies and make yummy things for our Night Before Christmas party where i shall where my cute PJs and have fun enjoying my final weekend as a college kid.... AHHH. sunday is church and i will probably cry telling Bayli goodbye. :( monday i'll take my psyc final, tuesday is completely free and as i've already said who knows what will be running through my head haha, and wednesday i take my last final [sociology] and will be completely done by 11:30 most likely. SHEESH. (and yes, i just wrote all of this out for my own mental sake not really for your entertainment...)




I'm going to throw out a top 10 list (lol)



10 things I am looking forward to/plan on doing when I get home (over Christmas & into January i suppose)



1. Reading: The Twilight Saga. Karen Kingsbury. maybe some Nicholas Sparks. Crazy Love. etc.

2. Playing games with my family


3. Hanging out with Elizabeth, Eva, & Meritha


4. Going to Rhythm


5. Organizing/Printing/Scrapbooking Pictures


6. Starbucks trips with mom and Sams trips with dad


7. A pedicure :)


8. Reconnecting with old friends... or meeting new ones!


9. Taking a nice long bubble bath and reflecting over college


10. Finding a way/place to serve the Lord through this next segment of my life


Monday, November 9, 2009

"you can"

my weekend was delightful. yep, that word sums it up the best. :) After wasting my Thursday night and Friday morning fretting about my presentation [which went fine, i totally got a 95% woot woot!]

Friday night was a total blessing. Meritha and Eva came to L'burg to see me! haha, it only took 3 and 1/2 years of talking about it before it actually happened. the important thing is that it actually did happen. And, i forgot how much they make me laugh... even just by leaving the sink running in the bathroom lol. Anyway, we went to Kelsea's apt. and picked her up and went downtown. I realized that one of my regrets of things I did not do while at Liberty is not going downtown more :( We went to WaterStone and it was delicious even though i had to wait forever and a day for my pizza. [it was free though - always a bonus!] thankfully we weren't raped or attacked on our quest to go to the First Friday gallery. :) So, then we went up to Snowflex & had some laughs & froze & then came back here and watched a movie but that was not real riveting. And, to quote Kelsea's FB status on Friday, "thankful for those friends who even though you haven't seen in awhile, everything is exactly the same between you. :)"

Saturday was also lots of fun. Meritha, Eva & I went to good ol' RiverRidge to snoop out some bargains. We weren't super lucky. Oh, well I must admit i just love malls and being there. So then they left me and returned to the Noke. I attemped to get some work done... and actually succeeded in getting lots accomplished in a short amount of time. but, then i took a nap. :) Then i met Jennifer, Bayli, Megan A., Megan I. & Jordan for dinner at La Carreta. those girls are crazy. I mean, really crazy. Then, we went up to Snowflex [again] and I froze [again] and we played Twister [outside, at Snowflex] and I just love the girl's energy! And, they make me laugh a lot. Then, I came back home and we watched Get Smart.


Sunday was a pretty typical Sunday. We went to church & came back here & went to Kroger & I made brownies. Then, the NBT leaders came over for a meet-to-the-ing. haha, i love hanging out with them. And, I got to know Devan on a whole new level! haha :) So, that was my weekend in a short summary...

Monday, November 2, 2009

weekend


sometimes you just have those weeks where you look forward to the weekend so much and then it comes and goes before you know it. my weekend was different than i thought it would be - and it actually turned out pretty good. and now i am in denial that i have to get up and go to classes tomorrow. :) at least i only have one class tuesday. haha look at me trying to find the sunshine in life. tomorrow i get my 2nd philosophy test back, i have a nutrition test wednesday, and a presentation on friday [i despise presentations...] and hopefully a super fun weekend!! because then the next weekend is Ashley's wedding. and then, Thanksgiving break! and then 2 weekends 'till Christmas & graduation... AGH!

i tried to go Christmas shopping. but, i ended up buying myself some shirts. oh well.

and i read through one of my old journals last night, from like 2003-2004 and it was most fascinating. i have changed so stinkin much! and, now it is time for sleep. :)






Thursday, October 29, 2009

one of my all time favorite movie scenes...

Do you really think that there is only one perfect mate?

As a matter of fact I do.

But then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them are they really the one for you? Or do you only think they are? Then what happens if the person your suppose to be with never appears or she does but your too distracted to notice..?

You learn to pay attention.

Then lets say God puts two people on earth and they are lucky enough to find one another, but, one of them gets hit by lightening. Well what then? Is that it? Or by chance you meet someone new and marry all over again, is that the lady your suppose to be with? Or the first? And if so and the two of them are walking side by side, were they both the one for you and you just happen to meet the first one first. Or is the second one supposed to be first? Is everything just chance or is some things meant to be?


You cannot leave everything to fate boy...

Friday, October 23, 2009

major growing pains

So I have been kind of approaching this whole graduation / the rest of my life thing in a very scared, unsure, frightened, lazy, denail-filled, apathetic manner. And you know what? I discovered last week that it is just not working for me. I have just kind of been ignorning things I need to do and decisions I need to make. I've written about it before how I don't know exactly what I want to do or how to get there.

I have had some nice long discussions on life [well, my life] lately. I'm really trying to see the big picture (or would puzzle be a more appropriate analogy?) And, I'm trying to find the balance between being unprepared & lazy and trusting the Lord & seeking for open doors. So just sharing all of this with Mrs.Cole this morning was encouraging because she didn't laugh or shake her head at me. She actually understood, I mean I'm sure she hears it more often from students than I realize, and gave me some suggestions and some important things to think about for when I begin the actual job-searching process. But, I AM going to be more active about what needs to be done in the next 2 months...

that specficially is 32 days of classes, 55 total... AHH!

In Social Problems Dr. Freyre was discussing when one becomes an adult, and as a class we generally defined adulthood as either 1.) marriage or 2.)a full time job, with benefits, in your career field. So, maybe I have been way too super okay with that because I have had this fear that in January I will suddenly be thrown into adulthood, because I have an undergraduate degree, and will frankly just suck at it. (Maybe because I actually am good at this whole student thing - and at being a child who is taken care of - and because I tend to always looks for someone who is more in authority to take care of things...)

Then tonight I got to thinking at Jay and Caiti's about how they seem to have definitely reached that adulthood marker. I just loved being in their house & seeing them interact as married people & talk about paying off debt. :) I mean they are a little bit older but yeah it was encouraging to see that it can happen...

So, my goals for next week are:
1.) Do my "Graduation Application"
2.) Research research research... and apply the stuff I learned in 403 & from Mrs. Cole
3.) Sign up for the Career Center Interviewing thingy.
4.) Spend TIME in prayer and actively seek the Lord's guidance, encouragement, and peace. [I must say this has top priority...]

I remember this song came on one of the first times I drove by myself (I believe I was going to church) and it was such an inspiration & comfort when I was experiencing the first bits of growing pains from independence...

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
-Kelly Clarkson

Saturday, October 17, 2009

:) & :( thoughts

*I really like the show Glee :)
*I forgot how disgusting throwing up is :(
*Scaremare tonight... oh the memories i have from scaremare over the years :)
*I want a Chin Poo or a Toy Australian Shepherd. :) They're adorable. But, I still love Border Collies..... :)
*I really should finish my book report. I've been procrastinating on it forever. The book is sitting next to me starring me down :(
*Emily's cupcakes smell fabulous :)
*The next few weekends are going to be crazy :/
*My favorite song today is Here We Go by Mat Kearney. It could change by tomorrow :)
*The end :)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"your mom"

It's already technically the 14th. how did that happen?? The first week of October flew by b/c i was waiting for break... then break flew by... and now this week is going pretty darn fast.

I most definitely do regret spending so many of my college days waiting for the next break...

I took the time to write down everything school wise I have to do between now & Thanksgiving. It's a bit overwhelming for only 6 weeks. Which equals only having 5 weekends. And, I agreed to work 2 of those Saturdays @ TCP [which is a good thing, i think] but I just see the equation for lots of stress to occur. Guess I'll have to practice what I've been learning... "prevention" & "management." ha.

So last week I was all thoughtful & whatnot about past relationships. The who's, when's, & why's. I've decided it's okay to remember. [And, I've set some new relationship goals... beginning after I graduate of course.]

Tonight I got all thoughtful & whatnot about families and drama. Oh i wish i could see into the future. :)

Anyways, camping was fun & relaxing. Its so familiar to me that it kind of felt the same as going home... sweet. I was kind of bummed when I found out the other Stultzs & the Reeds were not joining us. and can i just say that my parents are hilarious. and who knew an incident with a dwarf could provide so many laughs?? :) :) :) haha but it was good to spend some time just hanging out with Ray. I know that sounds weird because I pretty much see him everyday, but, we both get so caught up in other things. Basically, Lake Robertson = Love.

and i definitely should never have caffeine after like 3 in the afternoon. :)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

for granted.

I think i tend to take the Fall season for granted. Usually I'm quick to say my favorite season is Summer or Spring... but then Fall rolls around and the leaves change and it hits me how beautiful it is. Ever since freshman year one of my most favorite things is driving down 460 towards Roanoke and right between Bedford & Montvale the leaves and colors are absolutely gorgeous. Last weekend the leaves were just starting to change & it made me excited to drive 460 to & back from Fall Break. But, I'm driving to the 'Noke tomorrow afternoon so i will get to enjoy the colors then. as well as next weekend. and i know i will be blessed by that drive tomorrow - because I'll have the chance to see how much the leaves change by driving the same drive 3 Sundays in a row. And, I strongly dislike driving hence why I'm trying to find the blessing in driving to Roanoke 3 weeks in a row...

those are just some thoughts. ;)

tomorrow I'm going to Roanoke to work a fairly short shift at The Children's Place, it kind of doesn't seem worth it to drive an hour to work for 5 but I believe it is. :) I often take that job for granted as well. However, I realized when Jennifer called the other morning how nice it is to be wanted. [i mean maybe she didn't mean it on such a personal level but i took it as a compliment lol] and the fact that she took the time to ask how school was going & if the swine flu was going around & stuff.

i take camping & my family for granted as well. I'm PUMPED to spend 4 days at lake robertson next weekend. i pray it will be gorgeous weather & I will get the break I desperately need. i can just picture it now: hot chocolate, a walk down to the lake [pictured below], a card game, sitting indian style in a camping chair reading a good book by the fire.


Apparently I've taken pictures and the fact that I can post them on here for granted as well. not anymore :)

I take school, or education in general, and Liberty University for granted. I mean how blessed am I? I went to get coffee with Heather tonight and we were just chatting about school & our degrees [and how we are not guaranteed awesome jobs or titles or any large salary with our amazing degrees haha] and I was like "even if I went back and had to do it over I really don't think I would change anything... i loved my classes. and 20 years from now I honestly don't think i will regret getting my degree in child development." :)

Also, today was Heritage day at Camp Bethel. [I didn't go...] I definitely take Camp Bethel for granted. I mean it was a HUGE part of my life - and i'm sad that it really isn't anymore. I miss the place, the smell, the people, the excited feelings i get every time i turn off of route 11 to go there. SIGH. i read through part of my old xanga last night... camp and the relationships i have/had based on camp really did shape me into who i am today. i miss that. and them...... and i would totally put up an awesome old school camp bethel pic of me with those people. but sadly, i stopped spending time with them the same summer i got my laptop. thus, no people photos on here. however, this field, campfire, & cross hold so many personal memories for me. [sigh.]




oh, there is so much more i want to write but, I shall go to bed now. :)

and here is a link to my xanga and to my livejournal in case i ever can't find them again...

xanga
livejournal

Thursday, September 17, 2009

much time has passed

So apparently I frequently forget that I have a blog. So here we go again...

it was a long summer & already this semester has been super fast.

but, i like to take breaks from studying (oh, the life of a senior...)

so i've decided i shall take up blogging again! exciting eh? haha i'll probably delete this post once i write a new one because it's boring.

:)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

sigh...

The semester is almost over. eeek. I'm so relieved and so scared at the same time! But, finally I am allowing myself to be excited for the summer. If all the paperwork goes through I'll be doing my internship with the YMCA in Roanoke this summer... which is nice because they are being way flexible! So, finally i am allowing myself to be excited. I've been praying that doors will either be wide open or slammed closed and that one definitely seems to be open. but, alas, BRBH called me today to set up an interview next week. blah, i hated closing that door because its what i originally wanted to do. but, there must be a reason... right? and hopefully if i am suppose to work there i will have the opportunity to get plugged in somewhere there after i've graduated. maybe? haha i say that about everywhere that interests me. :) oh life. i feel like a grown-up. Monday was scary even though it wasn't even like a real interview - i felt like my whole summer and life was riding on monday's meeting. stressful. sheesh, but it worked out really well & emily was there to bring me back to reality. [in a good sense - when i was freaking out haha so thanks girl!!]

anyways, mrs. cole said something in social work yesterday that definitely got my attention. I want to record it here so that i may never ever forget it.

"Your spouse is either your biggest supporter or your biggest stressor."

i just feel like more people need to spend time thinking about that before they commit to marriage. really, you are committing to spending the REST OF YOUR LIFE with this individual - please make sure that they will thoroughly support you in everything always. it is a red flag if you don't have their support just during your dating relationship... that is not going to change with a ring. that means they support your dreams, your education, your decisions, your other [healthy!] relationships and they help you change in the areas you need to change. i'm saying this just as much for myself... like i should strive NOW to become as supportive as possible and to develop supportive habits so that once i am married i do not become a stressor... just some thoughts. ;)

i've been working on a "budget analysis" project this semester. so i've been saving my receipts from everything and i divided them all up by months and areas and put them into an excel file last night. [yay for me using excel successfully!! haha] total wake up call. like i wasn't surprised at where my money goes, but, i am definitely going to have to get more control before next year when I'm out on my own and have real bills.

anyway, i'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball. (hahaha best laugh of the weekend)

love to all my fans :)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

personality?

Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

Profile: ISFJ
Revision: 3.1
Date of Revision: 20 Aug 2007


ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)

ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.


Functional Analysis
by Joe Butt

Introverted Sensing

As for ISTJs, the dominant Si is oriented toward the world of forms, essences, generics. Again, "for both of the IS_J types, the sense of propriety comes from the clear definition of these internal forms. ... A 'proper' chair has four legs," etc. (Jung saw IS as something of an oxymoron: sensing, which is a perceiving function, focused inward and thus away from that which is perceived (the "object"). In this light, he described this sensing as something removed from reality, full of archetypes/mythical figures/hobgoblins; sensing of one's own set of forms.)

Extraverted Feeling

A kind of "regression toward the mean" provided by the Fe auxiliary function serves to socialize the expression of these forms. I suppose it's the auxiliary nature of this Feeling, coupled with the balancing effect of {detachment from the internal idiosyncratic view of free-floating data perceptions} that makes ISFJs tentative, conservative, and reticent to boldly state the rights and wrongs in the relational world. (Loosely translated, ISFJs like to keep their perceptions to themselves, and aren't sure enough that what they "see" as Introverted Sensors has any relevance to the outside world. Thus the perception, based on unworldly data, may not be true. The obedient Extraverted Feeling function must therefore refrain from strong statements expressing these opinions.)

Introverted Thinking

Introverted Thinking is turned inward and is largely invisible. It is only with great difficulty, if at all, that the ISFJ could willingly commit anyone to their doom. Perhaps this explains why ISFJs are loyal to the end; there is no sense of purely objective (i.e., impersonal) judgement of anyone but themselves (and that only by their own standards). Here is this type's achilles heel that makes many of them so vulnerable to the scoundrels and ne'er-do-wells who often use and abuse them.

Extraverted iNtuition

ISFJs are easily undone by Extraverted iNtuition, their inferior function. Believing in the fantastic, and disbelieving the technologically extant, are errors that my guide the gullible (or unfoundedly sceptical) ISFJ off a precipice of mis-conclusion. (One of our co-workers' mothers adamantly refused to believe that Dave Letterman's mom was actually at the olympics in Norway talking with the athletes and handing out hams! She suspected technological trickery.)

This childlike Ne is, however, the likely source (coupled with fun-loving Extraverted Feeling) of the practical joking, punning and (usually harmless) impishness of some ISFJs.

Famous ISFJs:

St. Teresa of Avila (Teresa de Jesus)
Louisa May Alcott
Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Queen Elizabeth II of England
Robert E. Lee
Queen Mary I ("Bloody Mary") of England

Fictional:
Bianca in Taming of the Shrew
David Copperfield
Hero in Much Ado About Nothing
Melanie in Gone With The Wind
Ophelia in Hamlet
Dr. John H. Watson, M.D. (Sherlock Holmes' faithful sidekick)

U.S. Presidents:

William Howard Taft

Johnny Carson, comedian
Robin Roberts (Good Morning America)
Kristi Yamaguchi, US Olympic figure skater
Ed Bradley, journalist

Copyright © 1996-2007 Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt


I 11%
S 1%
F 62%
J 89%

Top 6 Careers:
  • Social Service
  • Social Work
  • Religious Education
  • Education
  • Counseling
  • Health Care

Friday, February 27, 2009

lead me to the cross

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
Te word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

Thursday, February 26, 2009

rambling

so i felt like blogging but i am not sure what exactly i would like to write about so we shall see where this goes... haha... could be interesting.

next spring is week after next.. so i have:
1 class tomorrow
A free Saturday!
Church Sunday
2 classes Monday
2 classes and a CMIS test Tuesday
1 class, a test, youth group Wednesday
1 class Thursday
1 paper and one long assignment due Friday
then FREEDOM for a whole week!

This Spring Break coincides with my 21st Birthday for which i am very thankful because last year my bday was the week before Spring Break and it was not much fun because i had 2 tests and a night class. gross. and i will not be partying it up for my 21st because i don't drink. but i do plan on having fun!

mom and i were going to go to TN tomorrow to be there when Josh gets come from Afghanistan but he got delayed and won't get to Kentucky till Tuesday. although i was okay with a quick trip to Nashville i'm kind of glad to have a free weekend here. and wow i'm really not coming up with anything fascinating to say so i'm just going to go now :)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

100 truths

100 Truths! After you've filled this out, tag 15 people and have them do the same.

1. Last beverage→ koolaid
2. Last phone call--> called emily & talked to nicole haha
3. Last text message→ nicole.. but she meant to send it to april.
4. Last song you listened to→ needtobreathe "second chances"
5. Last time you cried--> Sunday night i believe

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice → nope i mean i've been on more than one date with ray.. haha
2. Been cheated on? → hope not ;)
3. Kissed someone & regretted it? → nope.
4. Lost someone special?→ yeah
5. Been depressed?→ yes.
6. Been drunk and threw up? → nope.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. blue
2. green
3. pink
4. purple

HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → yep yep
2. Fallen out of love → nope
3. Laughed until you cried → yes!
4. Met someone who changed you → yes, many.
5. Found out who your true friends were → oh yeah
6. Found out someone was talking about you→ yea
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ only one
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → all of them
9. How many kids do you want to have→ 2 to 6 ?
10. Do you have any pets → just the Scoob
11. Do you want to change your name→ not the alison... but i'd be okay with taking a new last name ;)
12. What did you do for your last birthday→ dinner with the family... date with ray...
13. What time did you wake up today → 9:30ish
14. What were you doing at midnight, last night?→ watching dawsons creek & gettin ready for bed
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for→ SPRING BREAK!
16. Last time you saw your father→ Sunday evening = too long ago!
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → not a thing right now, there are things about myself and things about the future (like that i'd know what was going to happen post LU... or heck even this summer)
18. What are you listening to right now → joey potter & people in the hallway
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → yeppers
23. What's getting on your nerves right now? → my snotty nose
24. Most visited webpage → www.liberty.edu www.yahoo.verizon.net & facebook :)

1. What's your name→ alison nicole stultz
2. Nicknames→ ali alinickel
3. Relationship Status → taken
4. Zodiac sign → picses
5. Male or female or transgendered → all girl
6. Elementary→ glen cove
7. Middle School → homeschooled
8. High school → homeschooled
9. College? → VWCC & LU
10. Haircolor → brown
11. Long or short → shoulder length
16. Height → 5'4
17. Do you have a crush on someone? → yes
18: What do you like about yourself? → my sense of humor
19. Piercings → ears
21. Righty or lefty → righty

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → wisdom teeth
23. First piercing → ears
24. First best friends → elizabeth, lindsey
26. First sport you joined → softball
27. First pet → chip i think
28. First vacation→ myrtle beach?
29. First concert → carmen haha i slept
30. First crush → don't even remember the very first.... haha

RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → not now but my box is tempting me
50. Drinking → water
52. I'm about to → write an outline then go to bed
53. Listening to → andie & dawson chat with some music in the background
55. Waiting for → this to be over and ... the weekend!

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? → yesss
59. Want to get married? → definitely
60. Careers in mind? → haha well a food sampler, movie critic, mom, homeschool teacher, social worker, counselor, teacher? :)

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes → eyes
69. Hugs or kisses → both!
70. Shorter or taller → taller
71. Older or Younger → older
72. Romantic or spontaneous → romantic
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → arms
74. Sensitive or loud → haha sensitive... but... :)
75. Hook-up or relationship → relationship
77. Trouble maker or hesitant → hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → nope
79. Drank hard liquor → no.
80. Lost glasses/contacts → yep
81. Sex on first date → no!
82. Broken someone's heart → maybe cracked but not broke
83. Had your own heart broken→ just bruised a bit
85. Been arrested → nope
86. Turned someone down → yes
87. Cried when someone died → yes
88. Liked a friend as more than a friend? → yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself→ mostly
90. Miracles → yes
91. Love at first sight → nope. attraction which can lead to love maybe.
92. Heaven → yes. and hell.
93. Santa Claus → nope.
95. Kiss on the first date? → nope.
96. Angels → yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → yes.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?→ nope.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → yep.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

25 random things.

so i posted this on facebook because it was the big fad a few weeks ago... and i feel like it will remain forever safe here and years from now (ha) i can look back and see how much is still true.


1. I like penguins and whales and like to buy stuff with them on it. (especially pjs and socks…) but my favorite animal is probably just a good old puppy dog.

2. I love camping… pretty sure I’ve been at least 4 times every year since I was 6. I can do the whole tent no water thing but I like nice trailors and bathhouses too.

3. My dad makes me laugh probably more than any other person in this world. :)

4. I love going out to eat… and not just for the food (although I like food too much) but I like the experience & options & conversations.

5. People absolutely fascinate me. I could watch them all day but I take it further than most people watchers and actually analyze their behaviors (psychologically & sociologically).

6. I’m nearly 21. Sheesh.

7. My fave TV shows are LOST, american idol, and jon & kate + 8. But, I’m watching this season of the bachelor. And Secret Life of the American Teenager. And I’ve recently come to like me some Dawson’s Creek & The Office.

8. I’ve only ever had LG cell phones & will probably never buy anything else.

9. I adore Disney Pixar movies.

10. I’m so thankful for the friends I’ve made here… I honestly love them.

11. Sometimes I fear the bookshelf will fall of the dorm wall and smash me while I am sleeping.

12. I’ve been pretty committed to working out this semester. We’ll see how that goes…

13. I’m not 100% sure what I want to be when I grow up and dread the question of what I’m going
to do after college. Sure, I’ve got some dreams and decent answers to that ? but really, we will see.

14. Some of my best memories are from Camp Bethel.

15. I actually have to work for my grades and I’m pretty proud of my GPA now.

16. A preschooler drew me a valentine on a plate Monday and made me smile.

17. I love mustangs, always have, always will. I give credit to my mom for that. Haha.

18. I’ve been dating Ray for almost 3 years and they’ve been fun, and emotional, difficult and amazing. He’s made me grow soo much. And I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

19. Every day can be a happy day because Jesus washed my sins away…. :)

20. I like doing logic problems (not Sudoku though) they make me feel smart.

21. I’d much rather have someone else drive.

22. My room at home makes me happy… its clouds and daisies. Sigh.

23. I love children… but, lately I’ve really come to appreciate teenages more.

24. I often take my family for granted. They are awesome.

25. Games rock. Boardgames, group games, card games… you name it I’ll play it.

good to remember

"Intimacy is seeing what is truly on the inside of a person (which can only be discovered face to face over long periods of time such as what you experience in marriage). Be careful not to mistake intensity for intimacy. Intensity fades as the newness wears off, but intimacy continues to blossom the longer you know a person." -Shannon Ethridge

I think we (our society, most people i know) often rush into dating relationships and "fall in love" without giving it a 2nd thought. but, do we experience real emotional intimacy as fast as we think we do? so... when the question of "how long should we know each other before we date?" comes upon us (or more often our friends and peers) why do we push the relationship? because everyone wants to experience intimacy. we often only question whether it was real after we've broken up or experienced true intimacy. oh i definitely think we should "call it what it is" but, now, finally i can see the different levels of friendship and how logical and emotionally safe they are.

acquaintance
casual friend
close friend
dating/courtship
fiance/engagement
marriage = true intimacy

so why push for intimacy OR intensity with your close friends? why not let time do its thing or trust God to show ya when to move to the next level? and until then be wise about how much or what you're putting into the relationship (time, emotions, sharing)? not only do you avoid mistaking intimacy with intensity you don't ruin what could be a GREAT friendship. (if only someone hadn't pushed to the next level) sigh.

most of this comes from "choosing God's best" (raunikar) and a class i had on relationships last semester :) i think its just taken me this long to understand it for myself and be able to simplify it into this blog....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

be careful what you ask for...

i just re-read my previous blog. not even 24 hours have gone by and the Lord has definitely searched me and taught me and answered what i asked for.

i've had a crazy week. i've been very emotional. and i have not been very nice to peoples. okay, particularly ray & mom & anyone else in my path haha.. but i'm pretty sure it's only because i love them so much and i know they love me that i feel like they can take it - and therefore, i take it out on them and don't realize it until after the fact. the sad thing is i have realized this. yet, i continue to do it over and over. i knew this about myself back in high school (okay mom definitely got the brunt then.) and i've been through this cycle with ray so many times its humiliating. but, as i tried to explain it to ray earlier, it is like i lose my personality, question everything in my life, and don't know what to do...

i've decided there are several factors and i am not taking the easy way out and writing it off as PMS. don't get me wrong - my hormones definitely have an influence. but, i was reading in my book "margin" for facs455 last night after i wrote the previous blog, and the chapter was called "the pain of stress." enlightening. really, i mean don't get me wrong i definitely know what stress is... but, i think i've always generally related it to a specific circumstance. and at this point in my life, at this point in the semester, i think i'm just stuck in a ton of "contemporary stressors" including: change, expectations, time pressure, work, control, fear, relationships, competition, and frustration.

now is my situation extreme? no. when i take the time to consider each of these and what i've been feeling.... yes. definite connection. i mean for goodness sakes: i'm graduating in 10 months. i'll be 21 in one month. i'm doing job shadows, and career profiles, and resumes, and an internship soon. hello real world. what does it make me want to do? return to my childhood. run away. cry. yet, i am hopeful, confident, and excited. i am so tired of school. but, i'm just scared to deal with the changes or make the wrong decisions. this stage in my life is almost over and i honestly don't know what the next one holds. but, really it is just hard to balance:

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)

with

professors and career centers and parents and advisors and fellow students and professional people telling you to PLAN ahead. to start looking for a job now. to get on the ball of making a resume and completing as many internships as possible..... to hurry and grow up. "i don't know what i want to do" is no longer an acceptable answer.

do i think i should not plan ahead? no. not what i'm saying. but, where is the balance in trusting God to open the right doors at the right time and controlling my life and my future myself. oh goodness i have so much to learn. responsibility as an adult. and completely trusting that my Father knows whats best and the big picture. the key is definitely balance. i really think it would take away much of the stress i'm feeling. since i've already established how stress has its affects on me, psychologically, physically, and behaviorally. (margin address each of these) i'm going to add spiritually also.

i am such a sinner. and i can be so self-righteous. yeah i said it. i fool myself and others, but never the Lord. i can justify things yet, compare myself to others to make myself look and feel better. sheesh, it makes me sick. this week i've definitely experienced the theme of examining my own sin (oh i've definitely got enough of it.) and realizing the change that has to happen. i keep thinking about the casting crowns song that i posted last night because i kept thinking about it. i mean it just clicked. so many times in my life i've fallen down and been broken, realized my distance from God and yet, are the changes lasting? where is my follow through??

dr. guiterraz (sp? lol) spoke in convo this morning (definitely after my note and revelation last night) on the 6 fold digression of sin. Ephesians 4:17-19. and he finished with a great illustration of warning his toddler daughter of the dangers of heat/candles/being burnt. he heard her screaming "hot" after she'd been left in a room, within reach of a candle. he expected her to be burnt and blistered but, her hand was still a foot away from the flame. her young hand was so sensitive to heat she recognized the danger a good distance away. her dads hand is strong and calloused and he placed his hand inches about the flame to recognize the warmth and danger. Our hearts should be like the toddlers, tender and sensitive enough to recognize sin from far away. we should be able to identify it early enough to run and warn of the danger. not push further or willing to take the risk of playing with it. have i gotten that numb to sin?

i didn't realize how awesome that illustration was or how it would affect me until tonight at youth group when we discussed the confession of sin during our prayer time. so this evening i have identified several sins that i need to confess, stop, and step far enough away from to identify. am i going to list them here for the world to see? no. but i know what i am going to work on.

i'm soo thankful for my God and that i have realized this now. i'm sorry it has taken me this long to fall down and get back up. "i'm not turning back, i'm moving ahead, i'm here to declare to you my past is over, in you all things are made new... i'm moving forward."

Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,

He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said
“My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran.....


ps: typically i'd be uncomfortable posting such personal thoughts on a blog i know anyone can read. but, i figure it you take the time to check this then you must know me well and love me and so i wanted to share this with you. and, if you don't know me well and something struck you and you want to discuss anything with me than awesome, anytime :)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

broken and beautiful

"when words are most empty, tears are most apt." - Max Lucado

life drives me crazy and i drive myself crazy.
but, i'm learning the importance of going to God during the good times and the bad.
i've been really stressed out this week - and not even just because of school work.
i'm being forced to see the bigger, deeper issues.
and then do something about them.
i'm selfish.
and insecure.
but, i have a Heavenly Father who cares for me enough to send simple reminders and attention getters that show me his love - a love than cannot be substitued by anything else.
i need to re-focus.
it's difficult to ask the Lord to uncover you. or to "search me"
and i hate regression... it takes away all of my motivation because what if i simply fail or lose inspiration again?
i hate when i take my emotions out on the people i love the most.
i really am BROKEN... and oh so beautiful in the Lord's eyes.

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart
Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...
Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door
Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right
I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard

Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me. -Casting Crowns