well, we all know i won't post regularly or anything i claim i'm going to post so from now on this will probably just be a random "i can't sleep" so "this is what i'm going to type about" place. although i love love love looking back at my blogs and seeing what i was up to/going through.
sigh. i'm not gonna lie this week's been tough. just the other week i was commenting on how long it'd been since i'd been sick. hah. that came back to bite me. My mom and B were both sick with colds last week, and before that Rachel and some people from work had it, so i was kind of destined to get it. Last weekend I opted out of going to a few things so i could sleep and try to beat it. That didn't really work. I actually felt better mid-week but, then the congestion came back worse. Thursday I went to Kroger with dad and picked up a decongestant (having to sign to get it from behind the counter should have been a clue that it was some serious stuff i guess...apparently anything with ephedrine is not something to be messed with.) I immediately felt like my head was clearing up! but, then i took 2 naps. non-drowsy? i don't think so.
Craig actually spoke about sleep at Rhythm. "A clear conscience is the best pillow." epic. and he talked about when you can't sleep how it's either because your body is worked up or your mind is. He shared about Philippians 4:4-9. I kind of gave the message some general thought, talked it over with Meritha, and that was it, headed to Fridays with "my crew" and, i took 2 more decongestant pills there. (a good 6 hours after the first 2) and then i won't go into details but i don't really remember a whole lot. (not that i did anything crazy or dangerous i just wasn't myself and have like no memory...) I didn't drive, and I remember telling Meritha that i was going to sleep really well that night!
fast forward and i ended up not sleeping, like literally, all stinkin night long. did you know home improvement and america's funniest home videos are like the only real shows on television at 3 and 5 am? i also read quite a bit of "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore. [too bad i have to re-read it because it did not sink into my mind...ironic.] It was like the longest night of my life. I had worked myself up and freaked myself out so badly. It's kind of scary how powerful and convincing the mind can be. And you know that awful "I need to get sleep, like I have to get sleep tonight, there is no option" feeling? Gross. My throat was dry and I was hot and cold. I was like half-asleep hallucinating. My stomach was upset. I knew I was having a reaction to the medicine and I wasn't sure how much I was doing to myself, how much was the substance, and how much was even real. hah. I've felt like this 2 other nights in my life. Once, at school in the dorm, after I took Delsyum cough syrup. And once here, and I don't remember why. But, I remember having conversations with people who weren't really there and not being sure if i was awake or asleep. I told my mom that I felt like there was someone in the bathroom with me... (and i was not praying, like this was not a Holy Spirit kind of presence....) creepy. I was completely miserable. Meanwhile, I was thinking through my life and situations and relationships. It was completely exhausting. physically and emotionally. I won't go on about all of this because I really want to actually get to my points. [ps-i did not babysit on friday because i felt HORRIBLE and i did go to the dr. friday and its just a virus and i probably should switch back to dayquil...hah.]
1. Don't mess with drugs.
2. I feel empathy for people who struggle with mental illness and do not trust themselves. It's serious, scary, crazy stuff.
3. My mom wins "best mom of the century/universe award" because she's awesome.
4. I feel more aware of a connection between anxiety and a spiritual warfare realm. At least that's how it felt to me.
5. pray, pray, pray. mmm it is so sweet to know that I have a personal Savior that knows everything about me, and He adores me inside and out, and is always listening!
Guess what I came across on facebook Friday? SpiritFM had posted this link
http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/02/sweet-dreams.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+p31encouragement+%28P31+Encouragement+for+Today%29
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or recieved or heard from me, or seen in me -- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Phil. 4:4-9
I'm taking this so personally right now. SIGH. :)
