major growing pains

So I have been kind of approaching this whole graduation / the rest of my life thing in a very scared, unsure, frightened, lazy, denail-filled, apathetic manner. And you know what? I discovered last week that it is just not working for me. I have just kind of been ignorning things I need to do and decisions I need to make. I've written about it before how I don't know exactly what I want to do or how to get there.

I have had some nice long discussions on life [well, my life] lately. I'm really trying to see the big picture (or would puzzle be a more appropriate analogy?) And, I'm trying to find the balance between being unprepared & lazy and trusting the Lord & seeking for open doors. So just sharing all of this with Mrs.Cole this morning was encouraging because she didn't laugh or shake her head at me. She actually understood, I mean I'm sure she hears it more often from students than I realize, and gave me some suggestions and some important things to think about for when I begin the actual job-searching process. But, I AM going to be more active about what needs to be done in the next 2 months...

that specficially is 32 days of classes, 55 total... AHH!

In Social Problems Dr. Freyre was discussing when one becomes an adult, and as a class we generally defined adulthood as either 1.) marriage or 2.)a full time job, with benefits, in your career field. So, maybe I have been way too super okay with that because I have had this fear that in January I will suddenly be thrown into adulthood, because I have an undergraduate degree, and will frankly just suck at it. (Maybe because I actually am good at this whole student thing - and at being a child who is taken care of - and because I tend to always looks for someone who is more in authority to take care of things...)

Then tonight I got to thinking at Jay and Caiti's about how they seem to have definitely reached that adulthood marker. I just loved being in their house & seeing them interact as married people & talk about paying off debt. :) I mean they are a little bit older but yeah it was encouraging to see that it can happen...

So, my goals for next week are:
1.) Do my "Graduation Application"
2.) Research research research... and apply the stuff I learned in 403 & from Mrs. Cole
3.) Sign up for the Career Center Interviewing thingy.
4.) Spend TIME in prayer and actively seek the Lord's guidance, encouragement, and peace. [I must say this has top priority...]

I remember this song came on one of the first times I drove by myself (I believe I was going to church) and it was such an inspiration & comfort when I was experiencing the first bits of growing pains from independence...

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
-Kelly Clarkson