broken and beautiful

"when words are most empty, tears are most apt." - Max Lucado

life drives me crazy and i drive myself crazy.
but, i'm learning the importance of going to God during the good times and the bad.
i've been really stressed out this week - and not even just because of school work.
i'm being forced to see the bigger, deeper issues.
and then do something about them.
i'm selfish.
and insecure.
but, i have a Heavenly Father who cares for me enough to send simple reminders and attention getters that show me his love - a love than cannot be substitued by anything else.
i need to re-focus.
it's difficult to ask the Lord to uncover you. or to "search me"
and i hate regression... it takes away all of my motivation because what if i simply fail or lose inspiration again?
i hate when i take my emotions out on the people i love the most.
i really am BROKEN... and oh so beautiful in the Lord's eyes.

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart
Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...
Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door
Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right
I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me. -Casting Crowns