so i posted this on facebook because it was the big fad a few weeks ago... and i feel like it will remain forever safe here and years from now (ha) i can look back and see how much is still true.
1. I like penguins and whales and like to buy stuff with them on it. (especially pjs and socks…) but my favorite animal is probably just a good old puppy dog.
2. I love camping… pretty sure I’ve been at least 4 times every year since I was 6. I can do the whole tent no water thing but I like nice trailors and bathhouses too.
3. My dad makes me laugh probably more than any other person in this world. :)
4. I love going out to eat… and not just for the food (although I like food too much) but I like the experience & options & conversations.
5. People absolutely fascinate me. I could watch them all day but I take it further than most people watchers and actually analyze their behaviors (psychologically & sociologically).
6. I’m nearly 21. Sheesh.
7. My fave TV shows are LOST, american idol, and jon & kate + 8. But, I’m watching this season of the bachelor. And Secret Life of the American Teenager. And I’ve recently come to like me some Dawson’s Creek & The Office.
8. I’ve only ever had LG cell phones & will probably never buy anything else.
9. I adore Disney Pixar movies.
10. I’m so thankful for the friends I’ve made here… I honestly love them.
11. Sometimes I fear the bookshelf will fall of the dorm wall and smash me while I am sleeping.
12. I’ve been pretty committed to working out this semester. We’ll see how that goes…
13. I’m not 100% sure what I want to be when I grow up and dread the question of what I’m going
to do after college. Sure, I’ve got some dreams and decent answers to that ? but really, we will see.
14. Some of my best memories are from Camp Bethel.
15. I actually have to work for my grades and I’m pretty proud of my GPA now.
16. A preschooler drew me a valentine on a plate Monday and made me smile.
17. I love mustangs, always have, always will. I give credit to my mom for that. Haha.
18. I’ve been dating Ray for almost 3 years and they’ve been fun, and emotional, difficult and amazing. He’s made me grow soo much. And I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
19. Every day can be a happy day because Jesus washed my sins away…. :)
20. I like doing logic problems (not Sudoku though) they make me feel smart.
21. I’d much rather have someone else drive.
22. My room at home makes me happy… its clouds and daisies. Sigh.
23. I love children… but, lately I’ve really come to appreciate teenages more.
24. I often take my family for granted. They are awesome.
25. Games rock. Boardgames, group games, card games… you name it I’ll play it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
good to remember
"Intimacy is seeing what is truly on the inside of a person (which can only be discovered face to face over long periods of time such as what you experience in marriage). Be careful not to mistake intensity for intimacy. Intensity fades as the newness wears off, but intimacy continues to blossom the longer you know a person." -Shannon Ethridge
I think we (our society, most people i know) often rush into dating relationships and "fall in love" without giving it a 2nd thought. but, do we experience real emotional intimacy as fast as we think we do? so... when the question of "how long should we know each other before we date?" comes upon us (or more often our friends and peers) why do we push the relationship? because everyone wants to experience intimacy. we often only question whether it was real after we've broken up or experienced true intimacy. oh i definitely think we should "call it what it is" but, now, finally i can see the different levels of friendship and how logical and emotionally safe they are.
acquaintance
casual friend
close friend
dating/courtship
fiance/engagement
marriage = true intimacy
so why push for intimacy OR intensity with your close friends? why not let time do its thing or trust God to show ya when to move to the next level? and until then be wise about how much or what you're putting into the relationship (time, emotions, sharing)? not only do you avoid mistaking intimacy with intensity you don't ruin what could be a GREAT friendship. (if only someone hadn't pushed to the next level) sigh.
most of this comes from "choosing God's best" (raunikar) and a class i had on relationships last semester :) i think its just taken me this long to understand it for myself and be able to simplify it into this blog....
I think we (our society, most people i know) often rush into dating relationships and "fall in love" without giving it a 2nd thought. but, do we experience real emotional intimacy as fast as we think we do? so... when the question of "how long should we know each other before we date?" comes upon us (or more often our friends and peers) why do we push the relationship? because everyone wants to experience intimacy. we often only question whether it was real after we've broken up or experienced true intimacy. oh i definitely think we should "call it what it is" but, now, finally i can see the different levels of friendship and how logical and emotionally safe they are.
acquaintance
casual friend
close friend
dating/courtship
fiance/engagement
marriage = true intimacy
so why push for intimacy OR intensity with your close friends? why not let time do its thing or trust God to show ya when to move to the next level? and until then be wise about how much or what you're putting into the relationship (time, emotions, sharing)? not only do you avoid mistaking intimacy with intensity you don't ruin what could be a GREAT friendship. (if only someone hadn't pushed to the next level) sigh.
most of this comes from "choosing God's best" (raunikar) and a class i had on relationships last semester :) i think its just taken me this long to understand it for myself and be able to simplify it into this blog....
Thursday, February 12, 2009
be careful what you ask for...
i just re-read my previous blog. not even 24 hours have gone by and the Lord has definitely searched me and taught me and answered what i asked for.
i've had a crazy week. i've been very emotional. and i have not been very nice to peoples. okay, particularly ray & mom & anyone else in my path haha.. but i'm pretty sure it's only because i love them so much and i know they love me that i feel like they can take it - and therefore, i take it out on them and don't realize it until after the fact. the sad thing is i have realized this. yet, i continue to do it over and over. i knew this about myself back in high school (okay mom definitely got the brunt then.) and i've been through this cycle with ray so many times its humiliating. but, as i tried to explain it to ray earlier, it is like i lose my personality, question everything in my life, and don't know what to do...
i've decided there are several factors and i am not taking the easy way out and writing it off as PMS. don't get me wrong - my hormones definitely have an influence. but, i was reading in my book "margin" for facs455 last night after i wrote the previous blog, and the chapter was called "the pain of stress." enlightening. really, i mean don't get me wrong i definitely know what stress is... but, i think i've always generally related it to a specific circumstance. and at this point in my life, at this point in the semester, i think i'm just stuck in a ton of "contemporary stressors" including: change, expectations, time pressure, work, control, fear, relationships, competition, and frustration.
now is my situation extreme? no. when i take the time to consider each of these and what i've been feeling.... yes. definite connection. i mean for goodness sakes: i'm graduating in 10 months. i'll be 21 in one month. i'm doing job shadows, and career profiles, and resumes, and an internship soon. hello real world. what does it make me want to do? return to my childhood. run away. cry. yet, i am hopeful, confident, and excited. i am so tired of school. but, i'm just scared to deal with the changes or make the wrong decisions. this stage in my life is almost over and i honestly don't know what the next one holds. but, really it is just hard to balance:
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)
with
professors and career centers and parents and advisors and fellow students and professional people telling you to PLAN ahead. to start looking for a job now. to get on the ball of making a resume and completing as many internships as possible..... to hurry and grow up. "i don't know what i want to do" is no longer an acceptable answer.
do i think i should not plan ahead? no. not what i'm saying. but, where is the balance in trusting God to open the right doors at the right time and controlling my life and my future myself. oh goodness i have so much to learn. responsibility as an adult. and completely trusting that my Father knows whats best and the big picture. the key is definitely balance. i really think it would take away much of the stress i'm feeling. since i've already established how stress has its affects on me, psychologically, physically, and behaviorally. (margin address each of these) i'm going to add spiritually also.
i am such a sinner. and i can be so self-righteous. yeah i said it. i fool myself and others, but never the Lord. i can justify things yet, compare myself to others to make myself look and feel better. sheesh, it makes me sick. this week i've definitely experienced the theme of examining my own sin (oh i've definitely got enough of it.) and realizing the change that has to happen. i keep thinking about the casting crowns song that i posted last night because i kept thinking about it. i mean it just clicked. so many times in my life i've fallen down and been broken, realized my distance from God and yet, are the changes lasting? where is my follow through??
dr. guiterraz (sp? lol) spoke in convo this morning (definitely after my note and revelation last night) on the 6 fold digression of sin. Ephesians 4:17-19. and he finished with a great illustration of warning his toddler daughter of the dangers of heat/candles/being burnt. he heard her screaming "hot" after she'd been left in a room, within reach of a candle. he expected her to be burnt and blistered but, her hand was still a foot away from the flame. her young hand was so sensitive to heat she recognized the danger a good distance away. her dads hand is strong and calloused and he placed his hand inches about the flame to recognize the warmth and danger. Our hearts should be like the toddlers, tender and sensitive enough to recognize sin from far away. we should be able to identify it early enough to run and warn of the danger. not push further or willing to take the risk of playing with it. have i gotten that numb to sin?
i didn't realize how awesome that illustration was or how it would affect me until tonight at youth group when we discussed the confession of sin during our prayer time. so this evening i have identified several sins that i need to confess, stop, and step far enough away from to identify. am i going to list them here for the world to see? no. but i know what i am going to work on.
i'm soo thankful for my God and that i have realized this now. i'm sorry it has taken me this long to fall down and get back up. "i'm not turning back, i'm moving ahead, i'm here to declare to you my past is over, in you all things are made new... i'm moving forward."
Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said
“My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran.....
ps: typically i'd be uncomfortable posting such personal thoughts on a blog i know anyone can read. but, i figure it you take the time to check this then you must know me well and love me and so i wanted to share this with you. and, if you don't know me well and something struck you and you want to discuss anything with me than awesome, anytime :)
i've had a crazy week. i've been very emotional. and i have not been very nice to peoples. okay, particularly ray & mom & anyone else in my path haha.. but i'm pretty sure it's only because i love them so much and i know they love me that i feel like they can take it - and therefore, i take it out on them and don't realize it until after the fact. the sad thing is i have realized this. yet, i continue to do it over and over. i knew this about myself back in high school (okay mom definitely got the brunt then.) and i've been through this cycle with ray so many times its humiliating. but, as i tried to explain it to ray earlier, it is like i lose my personality, question everything in my life, and don't know what to do...
i've decided there are several factors and i am not taking the easy way out and writing it off as PMS. don't get me wrong - my hormones definitely have an influence. but, i was reading in my book "margin" for facs455 last night after i wrote the previous blog, and the chapter was called "the pain of stress." enlightening. really, i mean don't get me wrong i definitely know what stress is... but, i think i've always generally related it to a specific circumstance. and at this point in my life, at this point in the semester, i think i'm just stuck in a ton of "contemporary stressors" including: change, expectations, time pressure, work, control, fear, relationships, competition, and frustration.
now is my situation extreme? no. when i take the time to consider each of these and what i've been feeling.... yes. definite connection. i mean for goodness sakes: i'm graduating in 10 months. i'll be 21 in one month. i'm doing job shadows, and career profiles, and resumes, and an internship soon. hello real world. what does it make me want to do? return to my childhood. run away. cry. yet, i am hopeful, confident, and excited. i am so tired of school. but, i'm just scared to deal with the changes or make the wrong decisions. this stage in my life is almost over and i honestly don't know what the next one holds. but, really it is just hard to balance:
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)
with
professors and career centers and parents and advisors and fellow students and professional people telling you to PLAN ahead. to start looking for a job now. to get on the ball of making a resume and completing as many internships as possible..... to hurry and grow up. "i don't know what i want to do" is no longer an acceptable answer.
do i think i should not plan ahead? no. not what i'm saying. but, where is the balance in trusting God to open the right doors at the right time and controlling my life and my future myself. oh goodness i have so much to learn. responsibility as an adult. and completely trusting that my Father knows whats best and the big picture. the key is definitely balance. i really think it would take away much of the stress i'm feeling. since i've already established how stress has its affects on me, psychologically, physically, and behaviorally. (margin address each of these) i'm going to add spiritually also.
i am such a sinner. and i can be so self-righteous. yeah i said it. i fool myself and others, but never the Lord. i can justify things yet, compare myself to others to make myself look and feel better. sheesh, it makes me sick. this week i've definitely experienced the theme of examining my own sin (oh i've definitely got enough of it.) and realizing the change that has to happen. i keep thinking about the casting crowns song that i posted last night because i kept thinking about it. i mean it just clicked. so many times in my life i've fallen down and been broken, realized my distance from God and yet, are the changes lasting? where is my follow through??
dr. guiterraz (sp? lol) spoke in convo this morning (definitely after my note and revelation last night) on the 6 fold digression of sin. Ephesians 4:17-19. and he finished with a great illustration of warning his toddler daughter of the dangers of heat/candles/being burnt. he heard her screaming "hot" after she'd been left in a room, within reach of a candle. he expected her to be burnt and blistered but, her hand was still a foot away from the flame. her young hand was so sensitive to heat she recognized the danger a good distance away. her dads hand is strong and calloused and he placed his hand inches about the flame to recognize the warmth and danger. Our hearts should be like the toddlers, tender and sensitive enough to recognize sin from far away. we should be able to identify it early enough to run and warn of the danger. not push further or willing to take the risk of playing with it. have i gotten that numb to sin?
i didn't realize how awesome that illustration was or how it would affect me until tonight at youth group when we discussed the confession of sin during our prayer time. so this evening i have identified several sins that i need to confess, stop, and step far enough away from to identify. am i going to list them here for the world to see? no. but i know what i am going to work on.
i'm soo thankful for my God and that i have realized this now. i'm sorry it has taken me this long to fall down and get back up. "i'm not turning back, i'm moving ahead, i'm here to declare to you my past is over, in you all things are made new... i'm moving forward."
Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run
Was when He ran to me,
He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said
“My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran.....
ps: typically i'd be uncomfortable posting such personal thoughts on a blog i know anyone can read. but, i figure it you take the time to check this then you must know me well and love me and so i wanted to share this with you. and, if you don't know me well and something struck you and you want to discuss anything with me than awesome, anytime :)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
broken and beautiful
"when words are most empty, tears are most apt." - Max Lucado
life drives me crazy and i drive myself crazy.
but, i'm learning the importance of going to God during the good times and the bad.
i've been really stressed out this week - and not even just because of school work.
i'm being forced to see the bigger, deeper issues.
and then do something about them.
i'm selfish.
and insecure.
but, i have a Heavenly Father who cares for me enough to send simple reminders and attention getters that show me his love - a love than cannot be substitued by anything else.
i need to re-focus.
it's difficult to ask the Lord to uncover you. or to "search me"
and i hate regression... it takes away all of my motivation because what if i simply fail or lose inspiration again?
i hate when i take my emotions out on the people i love the most.
i really am BROKEN... and oh so beautiful in the Lord's eyes.
Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart
Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...
Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door
Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right
I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me. -Casting Crowns
life drives me crazy and i drive myself crazy.
but, i'm learning the importance of going to God during the good times and the bad.
i've been really stressed out this week - and not even just because of school work.
i'm being forced to see the bigger, deeper issues.
and then do something about them.
i'm selfish.
and insecure.
but, i have a Heavenly Father who cares for me enough to send simple reminders and attention getters that show me his love - a love than cannot be substitued by anything else.
i need to re-focus.
it's difficult to ask the Lord to uncover you. or to "search me"
and i hate regression... it takes away all of my motivation because what if i simply fail or lose inspiration again?
i hate when i take my emotions out on the people i love the most.
i really am BROKEN... and oh so beautiful in the Lord's eyes.
Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart
Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...
Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door
Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right
I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are Lord, who You are in me. -Casting Crowns
Friday, November 7, 2008
control?
I'm watching Hotel Rwanda for the first time. Pretty intense. "How many acts of genocide does ittake to be considered genocide?" My heart breaks that when i was 6 years old this actually happened. and I've been freaking out about America?! People sin. God is good.
This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don't lose the vision here
Carried away by emotion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together
God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control
History marches on
There is a bottom line drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh, but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing that has always been true
It will be true forever
God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control
He has never let you down
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me...
-Twila Paris
Monday, October 27, 2008
i'm back!!
so i definitely forgot about this until Saturday when Nicole was working on a blog and i was like "hey i have one of those!" so here i am.
this semester has actually been the best yet. I like my classes, love my professors, and except for a few certain assignments the HW hasn't been so bad. Last week was entirely too stressful and was probably the lowest of the semester i will let myself get. I did my psyc annotated bibliography in like 2 days (not a wise move). But, besides some tests this week is not so bad. And, this year is flying by. usually i am counting down to thanksgiving break passionately but not this time. It shall be here soon enough. I already registered for next semester & it should not be too difficult either. (As long as I focus and don't procrastinate. hah.) No more 7:40s but, i'll have MWF classes again. :( i loved my long weekends. I'm scared about the classes i'm putting off for next Fall though. But, I won't "fret" about that now. And no i have no clue what i am going to do post-graduation. any ideas? job openings? didn't think so. anyways,
i have not been getting on Facebook or playing Solitaire on Mondays for the last several weeks. I just need to be more productive and focused on Mondays. (can't you see how well that is working as i'm writing on here pretty much about nothing?)
Nicole (roomie) took pictures of Raymond and I yesterday at the park. :) i thought it was fun even though i'm definitely never going to have a career in modeling. oh well...haha. can you believe we've been dating for over 2 and 1/2 years? sheesh. i think that has been the hardest part of this semester: adjusting to ray being here. not that its bad don't get me wrong i LOVE having him here and now can't imagine it without him. but, definitely different. especially because practically everyone else we know has broken up. We've had a lot to work through and improve on. I'm excited to start going through a book with him. (Choosing God's Best - Rauniker.) We saw Fireproof last night. love it. I just think it deals with so many relationship issues in the proper/appropriate/God-intended way.
I've been growing so much lately. I've been through "The Secret of the Lord" (Gresh) and I'm finishing "Captivating" (Eldridge) today. Powerful books. God is amazing and I'm learning how willing He is to share with me when I simply seek Him and give Him time. This has been my verse for the semester:
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
I love how it shows that when we search for answers and things without him we will not find them. Only through the Lord who created the earth (vs.2) can we discover joy and what we are truly looking for. Amazing. I will not go into the specific ways He has done this for me lately but, I hope I never again return to a place where I stop "calling" to him to teach me things.
I must go study for my Crisis test tomorrow and then go to my "Psychology of Relationships" class (amazing material!) this afternoon. :) it shall not be so long before i write again.....
this semester has actually been the best yet. I like my classes, love my professors, and except for a few certain assignments the HW hasn't been so bad. Last week was entirely too stressful and was probably the lowest of the semester i will let myself get. I did my psyc annotated bibliography in like 2 days (not a wise move). But, besides some tests this week is not so bad. And, this year is flying by. usually i am counting down to thanksgiving break passionately but not this time. It shall be here soon enough. I already registered for next semester & it should not be too difficult either. (As long as I focus and don't procrastinate. hah.) No more 7:40s but, i'll have MWF classes again. :( i loved my long weekends. I'm scared about the classes i'm putting off for next Fall though. But, I won't "fret" about that now. And no i have no clue what i am going to do post-graduation. any ideas? job openings? didn't think so. anyways,
i have not been getting on Facebook or playing Solitaire on Mondays for the last several weeks. I just need to be more productive and focused on Mondays. (can't you see how well that is working as i'm writing on here pretty much about nothing?)
Nicole (roomie) took pictures of Raymond and I yesterday at the park. :) i thought it was fun even though i'm definitely never going to have a career in modeling. oh well...haha. can you believe we've been dating for over 2 and 1/2 years? sheesh. i think that has been the hardest part of this semester: adjusting to ray being here. not that its bad don't get me wrong i LOVE having him here and now can't imagine it without him. but, definitely different. especially because practically everyone else we know has broken up. We've had a lot to work through and improve on. I'm excited to start going through a book with him. (Choosing God's Best - Rauniker.) We saw Fireproof last night. love it. I just think it deals with so many relationship issues in the proper/appropriate/God-intended way.
I've been growing so much lately. I've been through "The Secret of the Lord" (Gresh) and I'm finishing "Captivating" (Eldridge) today. Powerful books. God is amazing and I'm learning how willing He is to share with me when I simply seek Him and give Him time. This has been my verse for the semester:
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
I love how it shows that when we search for answers and things without him we will not find them. Only through the Lord who created the earth (vs.2) can we discover joy and what we are truly looking for. Amazing. I will not go into the specific ways He has done this for me lately but, I hope I never again return to a place where I stop "calling" to him to teach me things.
I must go study for my Crisis test tomorrow and then go to my "Psychology of Relationships" class (amazing material!) this afternoon. :) it shall not be so long before i write again.....
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
prone to wonder Lord i feel it, prone to leave the God i love. Here's my heart Lord take and seal it seal it for thy courts above.*
i am ready for spring break. although i've been pleasantly surprised by this semester. i guess spring is just always better and more bearable. :) but regardless, being home and just working would be nice.
i hate how i constantly feel torn about staying at school on the weekends or going home. no matter what i do i feel like i'm not pleasing someone. so i must remind myself of what & who is ultimately important. its just hard to long to be in two places at once. most people cant see the big picture [not that i can though, lol.] anyhoo. my birthdays next week. w00t. i'm somewhat scared of no longer being a teenager. does this mean i'm actually an adult? because i'm pretty sure i still like to be treated as the child/less responsible one in several situations. but this'll be the first birthday where i've been at school not home and honestly i'm not looking forward to it. not that my friends wont do the little things to make me feel special but still i imagine i'll be disappointed. plus, i have 3 tests on my birthday. tell me thats not depressing cause i definitely think it is. i just hope i dont cry. haha, how mature is that?
"your life shouldnt be measured by the number of your breaths but rather by the amount of breathtaking moments."
:) i want to remember that on my birthday.
i am ready for spring break. although i've been pleasantly surprised by this semester. i guess spring is just always better and more bearable. :) but regardless, being home and just working would be nice.
i hate how i constantly feel torn about staying at school on the weekends or going home. no matter what i do i feel like i'm not pleasing someone. so i must remind myself of what & who is ultimately important. its just hard to long to be in two places at once. most people cant see the big picture [not that i can though, lol.] anyhoo. my birthdays next week. w00t. i'm somewhat scared of no longer being a teenager. does this mean i'm actually an adult? because i'm pretty sure i still like to be treated as the child/less responsible one in several situations. but this'll be the first birthday where i've been at school not home and honestly i'm not looking forward to it. not that my friends wont do the little things to make me feel special but still i imagine i'll be disappointed. plus, i have 3 tests on my birthday. tell me thats not depressing cause i definitely think it is. i just hope i dont cry. haha, how mature is that?
"your life shouldnt be measured by the number of your breaths but rather by the amount of breathtaking moments."
:) i want to remember that on my birthday.
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